I want daddy

I hate myself. I regret that day so much! I WISH there was a time machine! The day my mother died – and it was all my fault. A three year old girls fault…

I woke up and climbed out of bed unsteadily, walking along the hall slowly into mummy’s room. “Mummy?” “Wakey wakey time!” I said happily. Her eyes automatically opened with a smile on her face. Its as if she knows im there. “Good morning sweetheart! Had good sleeps?” “Yes!” I said enthusiastically. “Shh! Don’t want to wake daddy do you?” “No! I do NOT!” I whispered. “Alright then, lets go downstairs and get breakfast!” “YAY!” I said a little too loudly. We walked out into the halls and then walked down the stairs hand in hand. “Mummy? Can I ask you a question?” I asked. “Of course! Anything you ask I have an answer to!” She quoted her usual, and then looked at me, expectantly. “Where’s daddy?” A wave of sadness fell across her face. “He’s sleeping in the bedroom, sweetheart.” “No! Real daddy! Daddy!” I said demanding. Mummy’s voice trembled as she said, “Daddy’s in a much better place honey.” “Where?” I said, desperate to know. “Heaven, sweetheart.” Mummy’s eyes filled with tears. “Mummy? Are you OK?” I asked worriedly. “I-Im fine sweetie.” she stuttered. I suddenly remember where heaven was, and automatically shut up. Mummy went into the kitchen and made my favorite breakfast – Coco Pops! (Well, I WAS only 3!) “Here you go,” she said kindly. “Yummy!” I said delightfully. I instantly started eating while mummy sat, staring into face. “Mummy? Are you OK?” I asked for the second time. “Yes, sweetheart. Are you finished?” For a first, my Coco Pops tasted extremely tasteless. “Yes mummy.”

I said, slowly pushing the bowl forwards. My step-daddy started running downstairs and into the room. “Good morning, my favorite two ladies!” “Morning daddy!” I said, staring into space. “Good morning honey,” said mummy, her eyes looking red from tears. “Hey, whats sup! You’s look like two bitter, 70 year old’s!” I had no idea what bitter had meant, but I knew it wasn’t a compliment. “Mummy!” I suddenly said “Yes, honey?” she replied. “I want daddy!” My eyes started filling with tears. Mummy stood shocked. “Lauren!” My step-daddy was running towards me to hug me. I ran away into mummy’s arms and hugged her. “Mummy, I want daddy!” I wailed. Mummy burst into tears and ran upstairs to her room. I was about to run after her when I heard my step-daddy’s voice (Steven) thundering saying my name. “LAUREN!” He ran to me. “HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING TO UPSET YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!” I stood frozen. This made me cry even more. “LET YOUR MOTHER BE!” He thundered as I was about to run upstairs. Dinnertime came and went and mother still hadn’t came downstairs. I was scared. Steven gave me a blanket and made me sleep downstairs. I couldn’t sleep. I was absolutely petrified. Steven was also sleeping downstairs on a different sofa. Mummy still hadn’t came. We hadn’t heard a noise from her since she ran crying out the room. Tiredness fell over me and I eventually fell asleep with fear. I felt like the longest sleep ever. I dreamed that me, mummy and daddy were all together and a happy family again. I woke up eventually very early. 7am. I ran upstairs since Steven was asleep, still. Mummy was lying with blood all over her – and a KNIFE in her chest! There was a note – it said: Im with daddy now. I cried desperately for mummy to wake up. It wouldn’t work. I stroked her hair. Then I screamed. Steven ran upstairs…