WHEN Graham Ranson was searching for ways to improve reception on his smartphone, he was puzzled to find “the Pinaki mobile broadband booster chip” on offer from Orbital Radio Research.
This gadget is the “world’s first table top echo friendly black hole broadband signal sucker” and the “world’s first passive chip which can boost radio signal instantly”.
“Can they be serious?” Graham asked us.
We worked long and hard to try and understand the description of a “new way to trap energy” and get “instant broadband everywhere” by “sucking huge amounts of scattered signal” with a “nano sized microwave signal absorber cum black hole single chip passive enhancer to boost the radio frequency signal to enhance the bandwidth”.
Eventually, we gave up – and remembered something a harassed patent examiner once told us: “We dread being asked to evaluate inventions that look like science fiction,” he confided. “The weirder the idea, the less chance we have finding any previous patents that would show it to be old, and the less chance we have of using established facts to prove it could never be made to work. What we really want to say to the inventor is, go away and build a prototype to prove it works. But patent law won’t let us do anything that sensible.”
Fortunately, the rest of us are not shackled in that way, so we can say to Orbital Radio Research: “Show us a nano-sized device that sticks to a cellphone and makes it work better and faster.”
This leaves just one problem: if it is nano-sized we won’t be able to see it, so we will be none the wiser.
Incomprehensible language of finance
THE language of high finance can also be difficult to understand. Idly browsing a free newspaper aimed at London’s financial folk, Feedback was startled to see, under the heading
“Forex analyst picks”, the following message from “strategist” Ilya Spivak: “I have entered short Australian dollar-dollar at $1.0349.”
What is he talking about? We are not sure, but we think he is offering to buy Australian dollars for the amount of US dollars quoted. Or perhaps he is offering to sell.
But why is he doing this? This decision came, apparently, “after the pair produced a bearish Dark Cloud Cover candlestick pattern below resistance at the top of a rising channel that has guided prices higher since October”.
There is more, which we will spare you. We grant that Spivak might reasonably find a discussion of the regulation of the Sonic Hedgehog gene, for example, equally mystifying. But at least the geneticists would provide references, offering some hope of discovering at least what sort of thing “Hedgehog regulating factor” is. Spivak gives us no help in learning what sort of thing Dark Cloud Cover is, be it bearish or bullish.
We have our suspicions about the kind of thinking induced by staring at price charts too long. We are inescapably reminded of a study that involved a chimpanzee flinging its breakfast at the stock price pages of The Wall Street Journal. Notionally buying and selling the stocks hit by the food, it outperformed the New York Stock Exchange index and, indeed, more loquacious traders.
Unfortunately the only reference we can currently find to this experimental protocol is… by Feedback (17 March 2007). Can readers help us out of our self-citation loop?
Get it in writing by phone
AN ADVERTISEMENT on the back cover of the May 2011 issue of consumer magazine Which? advises: “Make sure you get it in writing.
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